Living Fully

If you know me, you know that I love coffee.

I love the strong, invigorating smell that energizes my soul when I walk into a coffee shop. I love the way cream swirls and twists into beautiful patterns as my spoon moves through my chestnut colored latte. I love that first sip which flows through my body warming me, comforting me, and giving me the energy to make it through a long day.

But most of all, I love the conversations that are had over that steaming cup in a quaint corner of a coffee shop. Those deep, heart to heart, pouring out of my soul type conversations.

I was blessed in high school with a woman who would sit with me and  listen as I poured my heart out, talked about my deepest fears, and asked those secret questions I was otherwise too afraid to verbalize. She was a safe place for me to talk about my doubts, and to confess my insecurities. She was the person who God used to show me that God loves me despite my mess.

And believe me, I am quite a mess.

This week I have slept in too late, failed to work out, snapped at my husband, cussed out my professor (in my head.. but still...), skipped breakfast, watched too much netflix, and put on workout clothes just to look like I was athletic.

But God still loves me.

I have made the kind of mistakes that have pierced my heart and left my soul hurting and wondering if there really is a God who could love me. But in those places of deep pain, God met me. I felt naked before Him, the creator of the universe, but then I realized that His righteousness (His perfect goodness) covers me, and He sees me as His daughter.

And now, as I sit with other girls who disclose the hurts and questions of their own fragile hearts, I see that I am not alone. We all hate pain, hate tragedy, and sometimes even hate God for allowing our lives to become such a mess. We are left feeling broken and empty.

But sometimes we need emptiness in our lives so that He can come in and fill those places.

Yes, He wants us to believe in Him, but He also wants us to live fully with Him. I am learning to see that through those darkest nights, when i was scared and feeling alone, He was there. All I needed to do was say "I give up, I can't make it on my own. I need you God."

And when I got to that place of desperation, I found hope and healing. I found peace and joy. I found love, and, I found Jesus.

So here is to finding Jesus in every situation, living life to the fullest even when we don't know what tomorrow brings, and  trusting that His love is enough.